Life

When does life begin? At what moment do the worlds collide and thus life as we know it commence? Is it at the moment of conception? Is it once we are old enough to know that our lives are in our own hands? Is it when we see that there are things that this planet has to offer us and we just have to be willing to accept them? Is is a single moment, or a series of moments that make us realize that this is life?

Some times I wonder if there isn't something holding me back from what I would consider "life." While I believe that the moments that are spent here on Earth are "life," I often wonder if there is more there than we can actually see--than what I can actually see. There are things that I want that always seem to be just out of reach. Is it something holding me back from the life I desire or am I not meant for that life? Is this it? Is this all that there is? Who decides that? Do we decide that? Does God?

These are serious questions. These questions cannot be answered by platitudes and flowery suggestions. Those things are void of meaning. So, the question that remains is how does one obtain the life they envisioned?

Really, what is life? Is is more than the ability to breathe on this planet? Is it more than the time spent between birth and death?

Ultimately, where do these answers lie?

Blood Sweat & Tears

Blood Sweat & Tears has been making music for over 40 years. As a group they have had a lot of firsts and have left a mark on history and the music world. But, when I think of Blood Sweat & Tears I really don't think about mixing rock and jazz music. Instead, I think about the connotation. In fact, I thought about this phrase a lot this last weekend. A few days ago I went to Southern Indiana. The point of my trip was to paint the fence around the family cemetery.

It has been 19 years since the fence at Mt. Gilead was last painted. At the time I was only 10. I remember very little from that day, but July 24th is a day I probably won't soon forget. I am older and much wiser now--I realize the significance of what I was doing.

About 20 people showed up throughout the day to help paint the fence, and now it looks almost brand new (even if it is 60 or 70 years old). It wasn't just that the fence needed painted and got painted, it is about what that time represents. For me, knowing who you are and knowing where you are from is so important. To know who you are means to respect where you came from. Painting this fence meant respecting my history, my past, my family. It showed that these people are special to me and are part of who I am. It wasn't just to make the cemetery look better, it was about my indebtedness to the family that raised me to be who I am. It was about honoring them.

I was by decades younger than anyone else there. In fact, the average age was probably over 60. But, everyone worked with the hearts of teenagers. There was tons of teasing--I of course picked the hottest day of the year to have 60 some odd year olds paint a fence so I didn't get to live that down. There was lots of eating--thank heavens for Aunt Ruth Ann'S homemade yeast rolls. There was lots of paint--we all looked like we had gotten in a fight with the Tin Man. And, there was lots of reminiscing. I was told at least a dozen times that I look just like my mother when she was younger. And of course there was the typical argument about who got their attitude from whom--to be related to us it is almost a requirement to have a very distinctive attitude. There were words of thanks and appreciation for the willingness to be there. And in those words were tears--tears for the memories, tears for the future, tears for the past.

It was hot that day, I was up hours earlier than usual, it was hard messy work, but it meant the world to me to be there. So for me, what you get when you mix together family, the hottest day of the year, and lots of talking about the olden days? A little Blood Sweat & Tears. This isn't history in the making--it is history in the working.

Gratitude

I have been struggling a lot with gratitude. It is amazing what two little words can mean. I truly believe that "thank you" holds more meaning than "I love you." How can these words be so hard to say? I have been harboring anger for the lack of gratitude I see. I know works should not be done for thank yous, but for the sake of goodness, but it seems like those two words hold payment. Obviously they don't. However, gratitude is something we can all practice.

Ironically when I struggle with such things it seems that people want to show me platitudes--like those ridiculous signs posted all over offices that say awesome things like "everything is in your reach--just believe and it will be." Ok, well we all know that is not true, but we say these things to attemt to make people feel better. These things do not make me feel better. They make me feel bitter.

Today I worked to realize that people perhaps show gratitude in different ways. Maybe they don't. Either way, I have a choice to make. I can sit alone and be bitterly angry, or I can realize that shit happens, sometimes we are self-absorbed, things hurt, and move on.

The choice is mine.

Words

It has been a long time since I have written anything. A very long time. The problem is that I don't have anything to say. For me that is a HUGE thing. How can I not have something to say? I have an opinion about almost everything. But, for some reason I don't have anything to comment on.

Problem?

I don't care. I have gotten to the point where I care about very little.

Solution?

. . .

Packing Light

It seems that this time of year people are always thinking of travel. There are the spring breakers who are looking to get away for a while and drink entirely too much alcohol. Then, there are those who have the springtime itch (probably those of a demographic a tad bit older). Regardless of who you are, chances are the thought of travel has crossed your mind--I know it has mine. As I was thinking of travel and how expensive airplane tickets can be a thought crossed my mind.

Airlines got it right.

We all have baggage.

Some just have more than others.

When on vacation, people want to look their best and feel their best, which can lead to lots of extra packing--you know, just in case. However, this can lead to extra baggage. So, in addition to all the other reasons, airlines have started charging for all the extra baggage.

At first I was a bit put off by this. Why shouldn't people get to pack what they want whenever they travel? But then it hit me. This really makes sense. They airlines were right all along. Why would they want your extra baggage? In the long run all of that extra baggage can be quite costly.

*Epiphany*

There's something to this. There is really something to this. Who really wants the excess baggage of someone else? Like I said, it can be quite costly. While I admit that everyone has baggage, there are some who have more than others. So, if we can agree that the less the baggage the better, why is it that if you have less baggage there has to be something wrong with you?

Living in the Midwest, there seems to be an equation for life. If you don't follow this equation you cannot understand other people and they cannot understand you--that's just the way it is. Don't argue with it. However, with the divorce rate being 50% it would seem that this equation DOESN'T WORK. Interestingly, 37% of these first marriage divorces come from people who are between 20-24. So, it would stand to reason that if you were married between the ages of 20 and 24 your chances of survival are slim. Sad, but true. Obviously this creates baggage. So, if someone doesn't follow this equation and therefore doesn't have as much excess baggage, does that make them wrong?

I think that makes them smart. Perhaps that makes them concerned or conservative and maybe they don't want to be like everyone else, but it certainly doesn't make them wrong.

I don't fit this equation and therefore people often look at me like a leper. I am not a leper; I don't want to make the wrong choice. I don't want to carry around a lot of excess baggage. Imagine the last time you took too many suitcases and carryons with you and had to maneuver them throughout the airport. It wasn't easy, was it? So, it is obvious that nobody wants your excess baggage, the airlines don't want it, the baggage handlers don't want it, I don't want it, you don't want it, and I am certain any other person in your future doesn't want it.

So, please understand that because my life is NOT like everyone else's and I don't fit the equation of the must-have-life of the Midwest does not make me wrong. It doesn't not make me a leper. It simply means I am packing light.

Move

Words have an amazing ability. Sometimes they seem to have a greater ability than people do.

The word move has dozens of definitions.

People use words.

Those words often "move" us. They make us feel something. Those words have the ability to affect us emotionally. However, do they make us do what the word originally implied?

To move means "to advance or progress; to pass from one place or position to another."

We know that words have meaning. That is what out parents and teachers have been telling us our whole lives, anyway. But, do WE create more meaning when we do what the other definitions urge? Yes, words have the ability to move us, but only we can move us.

So, do words move you, or do your movements move people to words?

Dr. Suess said it best when he said "Oh, The Places You'll Go." But, first you must move--go.

So, move.

MOVE

PositiveLy

Have you ever noticed that when things are not going well for people they tend to write a lot to complain? Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the therapeutic value of writing--I am a writing teacher after all. However, we don't necessarily stop to write about the things that are good in our lives. I know that we cannot change things that happen to us. We cannot control fate, destiny, or ka if you like.

Enter the Serenity Prayer.

Though we cannot control some things in our lives (ie other people), we can control ourselves. We can control how we act and how we respond. We can either wallow in self-pity and denial or we can take stock in the good things and be positive about all the good in our lives. So, the purpose of this blog is to name some of the positive things in my life, the things I have to be thankful for.

So, here goes:

*I have an incredible family. They mean the world to me and I couldn't be more blessed to have them in my life.

*I have good friends. Sometimes people come in and out of our lives and each one of them fulfills a purpose. Some of them stay around a little longer than others, but I am blessed by the fact that I have lots of people who care about me and about my life.

*I have a job. While I realize that sometimes I complain about my job, I am very blessed to have one. I am sure that there are other people who would like to have mine. So, I am thankful that I have income.

*Stability. I am able to take care of myself and my needs. I am thankful for my abilities.

*Education. I value my education. It is something that wasn't always easy, but something that I am very glad to have. I learned more about myself, the world, history, etc. than I could ever really explain. I am also blessed to have had parents that volunteered to pay for my education.

*Knowledge. My quest in life has always been for knowledge. And, I think I now realize that the things in my life that change only further my knowledge and experiences of my life. Every day I grow as does my knowledge.

This is only the beginning of a list that could go on forever. But, like I said, I cannot change some things in my life, but I can change my attitude and pour myself into the place I am now. I am in this season of my life for a reason, and though it has been a rainy season, I have learned much from it. So, since I cannot change certain things, I can change me.

So, today . . . and hopefully tomorrow I am thinking positiveLy.